Friday, April 25, 2014

The Journey

After 53 years of marriage, you learn to share just about every single thought with your spouse, but I'm beginning to wonder if that's such a good idea. My DH is not handling this very well.

As I researched my disease and the progress it would probably take, I learned a whole lot of things that would indicate they were moving toward the end. And yes, I'm experiencing some of them now. I wear out in a few minutes. This morning I elected to wait until after my afternoon nap to shower because, even though I had just gotten out of bed, putting the laundry away and dressing, doing the morning meds and brushing my teeth was all I could handle along with a good face wash. And I needed to sit down for some of that.

I'm also cold a lot of the time, even though the temperature inside the house is 75 degree F. A comfortable temperature except for me. Of course the big pay off was the mucus I'm coughing up. It's gone from almost clear to gray green to darker gray green to now pink, which tells me something is bleeding. I'll take to the hospice nurse when she comes today. I know that sounds  gross, but that's what's happening.

Of course, I shared all this information with my DH. Bad idea. He didn't handle it well at all. My brother, once diagnose with liver cancer but miraculously cured, said he would go to a hospice house away from his family at the end. Now, I'm wondering if maybe I should consider that. I really had wanted to stay at home, but I don't know whether my DH can deal with it. We are such a part of the other, I have a feeling he's going to feel everything I feel. Not Good! I'll have to talk to the nurse about that as well.

In the meantime, I could sure use a bunch more prayers so I know which way to go. But for now, I'm going to curl up in a nice warm blanket and take a nap.


No comments: