Wednesday, June 04, 2014

The Journey

Tuesday is the day for my hospice nurse to check everything. She is a delight and very frank. I really appreciate frank. So her news yesterday was good and bad. My lungs sounded really good, no noise, no liquid swishing around, no rattles. Great!

However, that means that the pains and the pressure have nothing to do with the COPD and probably indicate that the cancer is growing, or spreading to other parts. Unfortunately, there is no way to be sure unless I want to go through a whole series of painful, lengthy tests. Guess what? They can stick the tests. Even if the cancer is doing it's thing at an extremely low rate, the lung (left one) is still no good. Yesterday it was clear. That was great. Doesn't mean though, that it will stay that way.

So, am I willing to leave hospice (a condition of taking the tests), then spend the next two or three months  being poked and prodded, stick with needles, scanned and who knows what else to find out, well, the cancer is still in the lung and the left lung is still bad. I don't even want to think about the cost of all of this.

Decision, take a pain pill and  smile big time because the left lung is clear today. I guess it's a matter of priorities. Do I want to enjoy the days I have left, or do I want to suffer through the days I have left?

If you followed this blog much, you know which one I chose.

Now, let me take my pill and finish the last official edit of Lovesong.



Judith Palmer said...

Allison, I've been following your post for some time...backed up and read from late 2012 forward. You are one gutsy lady! Thanks for sharing your journey, and for the suggestions you give to help the rest of us cope. As you say, frank is good. Bless you!

Liz Flaherty said...

I'm happy for a clear day today--joys sometimes come in small packages, don't they?